The Mavericks’ ground is not easy to find. It is of course nowhere near either the clubhouse or the shower block. Visiting teams need to hire a native guide at the Fat Turk, and set off deeper into Warley Forest, where there are wild animals and ferocious dog walkers. Several referees have been eaten before they had a chance to officiate a game. After half a day’s trek through the jungle, pink rugby posts appear like a mirage shimmering above the canopy of the rain forest, and the game can begin.

The pitch has a decent slope on it. Park started off up the hill in the rain, and soon found out that it is hard work carrying the ball up the hill, and if you lose possession the Mavs’ 10 knows exactly where to kick the ball to regain half the pitch.

But Park had a good first half. Sam Wakeley threw straight and well, despite a tricky cross-breeze, and the Park line out functioned. The pack all carried hard. Mitch Noyce had his dancing shoes on, and showed us a shimmy, a two step shuffle and then a roll. Paul Webb also carried well, though it is worrying that he cannot tell the difference between dog poo and a chestnut. Cam Petrie and Aidan Mersh were everywhere. It wasn’t really a day for running the ball, but Park’s backs knocked their men down on all occasions.

The minutes went by, and Mavericks were not capitalising on the slope. Park were now spending more time in the opposition half, and were rewarded with a kickable penalty. Sadly it was missed, but still Park had every reason to be pleased with a 0-0 half time score.
Mavs were surely ruing two or three missed scoring opportunities, which might have closed the game down.

Park started the second half confidently, pinning Mavs back down by the forest edge. Coach Pete O’Brien had to venture into the jungle to fetch the ball, braving tigers, nettles and brambles, but survived to tell the tale. We should have scored through a twenty metre rolling maul, but the pack followed training instructions, and to grounded the ball on a player’s boot.

Mavs then turned the game on its head by scoring an excellent runaway try down the left. 5-0. The were points crucial, but they also started to defend with more confidence. Their 10 had switched to 15, and again showed that he knew exactly where to kick the ball on that pitch.

Park’s pack drove their way down the slope again, and spent five minutes patiently besieging the Mavs’ line. We pulled ahead when Jack Rickwood decided to disobey the coaches’ instructions to ground the ball on a boot, and touched down to bring the score to 5-7.

Park faded in the last ten minutes. A grey-faced Ben Wrigg had to go off after a knock, and errors crept into our play. The Mavs’ 15 continued to pull the strings, and was rewarded with a kickable penalty, which he put over to win the game 8-7.

So another loss for the Park. Frustratingly for Romford’s faithful, we actually played rather well, particularly in the first half. We probably should have won the game, but a couple of chances went begging early in the second half. And Mavericks showed us the importance of taking opportunities when you get them.

Still, nobody got lost on the way back to the shower block, and Mavs showed a touch of class by handing out Tresemme shampoo for the showers, as seen on TOWIE. Now, you never get that in Romford.