Wanstead have made a really good job of their new clubhouse and levelled pitch. The white picket fencing stood out nicely under the lights, looking out over the dark Roding Valley. Some of Romford’s faithful had made their way there in the dark on a Friday evening, showing better navigational skills than the previous weekend. Apparently some people cannot find Crow Lane in broad daylight, and preferred to head off to Braintree. Well-worn excuses about following the satnav, or taking a wrong turn at Gallows Corner, got a chili reception. And rightly so.

Now where were we? Ah yes, we came to watch a rugby match. Park started well, executing their pick and drive pattern well, with quick ball from the base of the ruck, pushing Wanstead into their 22. But two penalties drove Park deep back into their own half, and another penalty allowed the Herons to take a 3-0 lead.

The Wanstead 10 had an excellent first half, using the wind to hoist the ball up into the dark above the lights, or kicking accurately for position. The Romford line out did not function well, so most of these territorial gains were held. When Wanstead scored from a charged down box kick to make the score 10-0, a large score against us looked worryingly likely.

But Park rallied. We continued to give away far too many penalties, but the pack carried well, we stopped leaking points, and the backs began to pick holes in the Herons’ defence. In one exhilarating passage of play, Park broke out of defence, and Logan Petrie received the ball in our 22. He skinned the two players in front of him, weaved his way through several more, and linked up with the centres in the middle of the pitch, for them to carry the ball deep into the Wanstead 22. With more clinical finishing, we might have scored, but a great run. Logan’s Run, in fact.

Just before half time, Luke Izatt was binned for a nameless offence above the ruck, and Wanstead’s penalty left the score 13-0 at half time.

Very little rugby was played in the second half. Both sides had a lot of scrummaging practice, with Wanstead having the better of it. Both sides also spent a lot of time standing around listening. Wanstead were better at this too.

For some reason Park decided to re-visit the notorious Pete O’Brien/Dwayne Lyn research project into how many people you can have binned without completely ruining the game. The game was punctuated by the sound of the whistle, and a flash of yellow, followed by another of our team trudging off to take ten minutes’ thinking time. At one point we were down to twelve men. I know that there is a lot of academic interest in this research, but I don’t think Park should do it in front of the young players we are bringing into the Firsts. It sets a bad example. Until this game, they probably wont even have known that some of these offences existed.

Looking back, it is odd that the Herons did not take greater advantage of their numbers. There are a number of reasons. First, the stop/start pattern disrupted their game almost as much as ours. Secondly, the remaining Park pack defended like lunatics. Mitch Noyce and Cam Petrie both had good games – and managed to stay on the pitch. Thirdly, the two Matts (Taylor and Saddle) marshalled the backs well, and snuffed out any attempt by the Herons to run it.

So Wanstead came out of this with just the one penalty, and Park then pulled a try back. After some time spent on the Wanstead line, Mickey James wrong-footed the defence by adjusting his coiffure and went over to score in the corner. Wanstead then scored a pushover try to make the score 23-5, and the game then fizzled out.

The reason we played under lights on a Friday evening is that the Herons were holding a German beer evening. All credit to them, after the game they really went for it. Most of the team were kitted out in lederhosen, and Roding Lane North looked like a Munich bierkeller.
This also solved another mystery. Why was Coach Scott Kennedy wearing shorts on a chilly evening when sane people like his wife Darryl were wrapped up in coats? The answer is that Scott had read the Police manual on what to wear when working under cover in a German beer cellar. But only the bottom half.